Lack of Emotional Intimacy
In our most intimate relationships, we strive to feel completely and entirely accepted, respected, trusted, and even praised in the eyes of our partner. We want our relationships to be a comfortable place of compassion and support, where intimacy and a strong emotional connection is present. The ability to understand and classify emotions is even more fundamental than ever since the advent of social media. With social media’s growing popularity and usage,“...there is no doubt that it has changed the way we communicate and impacted the quality of romantic relationships” (Porter et al. 11). Users are beginning to become reliant on the ease and convenience social media brings them when communicating with others. Ahn and Shin argue that social media has largely provided users with a sense of efficiency of staying connected with others, but recognizes that it “...may not be a suitable means to build emotional bonds” (2459). Individuals are able to communicate more efficiently and frequently, but constant online interaction can create emotional barriers, where romantic relationships lack emotional intimacy.
This lack of emotional intimacy can ultimately hinder the quality of a romantic relationship because a strong, healthy and stable relationship can not stand without intimacy. Kandell concedes that the quality of relationships is significantly limited compared to face-to-face or telephone conversations and notes that "...the internet provides only words on a screen and artificial methods of expressing emotion” (15). Whenever we interact with others, we are unceasingly taking in and observing nonverbal signals like facial expressions, gestures, body language, eye contact, and even tone of voice. These wordless signals are the essence of any and every interaction. We cannot understand what the true meaning of an interaction is without being able to interpret these nonverbal signals. Kandell emphasizes this point and argues that “...the looks, the body language, and the tone of voice are all vital to learning how to interact successfully with someone on a deep level. In fact, they are vital in learning to interact successfully with anyone in any context”( 15). Therefore, it is likely that the more those in intimate relationships rely on social media, "the lower their relationship satisfaction" and relationship quality will be (Porter et al. 13).
Though, some may argue that online interactions are able to facilitate and provide the opportunity for intimacy in relationships through social media. In other words, the quality of relationships is not a risk because users are indeed able to be emotionally intimate through social media. Sponcil and Gitimu acknowledges that social media allows users to share whatever they want about themselves to their friends online and this type of disclosure allows users to open up about their true identities. (5). Thus, Sponcil and Gitimu argue that “...intimate self-disclosures help produce greater intimacy in computer-mediated communication than in face-to-face contacts...” (qtd. in Jiang, Bazarova, & Hancock). Milani et al. agrees and adds that online self-disclosure “...allows individuals...to perceive themselves as more secure and more at ease than in traditional face-to-face interactions” (681). In other words, users are able to experience intimacy because they have the opportunity to be who they are without the constraints or pressures of face-to-face interaction, making it easier for them to open up and experience true intimacy. Therefore, those who argue that social media does facilitate intimacy in relationships believe that self disclosure brings users to open up about themselves, which in turn helps them become more emotionally intimate with one another.
It may be true that social media helps users feel secure about disclosing themselves to others, which ultimately increases emotional intimacy in the relationship. Nonetheless, the internet can only do so much when it comes to facilitating intimacy because there there are still emotional barriers that cannot be broken down through a computer or phone screen. Kandell argues that social media “...provides a certain psychological distance from the person with whom you are interacting, due to the lack of visual, aural, and emotional feedback, which can allow for a greater taking of risks” (15). One of the main risks is that the relationship quality will not be as strong or secure because users are not able to physically interact with one another.Thus, when those in intimate relationships constantly use social media to facilitate communication, they are losing opportunities to have any true intimacy in their relationship.
This lack of emotional intimacy can ultimately hinder the quality of a romantic relationship because a strong, healthy and stable relationship can not stand without intimacy. Kandell concedes that the quality of relationships is significantly limited compared to face-to-face or telephone conversations and notes that "...the internet provides only words on a screen and artificial methods of expressing emotion” (15). Whenever we interact with others, we are unceasingly taking in and observing nonverbal signals like facial expressions, gestures, body language, eye contact, and even tone of voice. These wordless signals are the essence of any and every interaction. We cannot understand what the true meaning of an interaction is without being able to interpret these nonverbal signals. Kandell emphasizes this point and argues that “...the looks, the body language, and the tone of voice are all vital to learning how to interact successfully with someone on a deep level. In fact, they are vital in learning to interact successfully with anyone in any context”( 15). Therefore, it is likely that the more those in intimate relationships rely on social media, "the lower their relationship satisfaction" and relationship quality will be (Porter et al. 13).
Though, some may argue that online interactions are able to facilitate and provide the opportunity for intimacy in relationships through social media. In other words, the quality of relationships is not a risk because users are indeed able to be emotionally intimate through social media. Sponcil and Gitimu acknowledges that social media allows users to share whatever they want about themselves to their friends online and this type of disclosure allows users to open up about their true identities. (5). Thus, Sponcil and Gitimu argue that “...intimate self-disclosures help produce greater intimacy in computer-mediated communication than in face-to-face contacts...” (qtd. in Jiang, Bazarova, & Hancock). Milani et al. agrees and adds that online self-disclosure “...allows individuals...to perceive themselves as more secure and more at ease than in traditional face-to-face interactions” (681). In other words, users are able to experience intimacy because they have the opportunity to be who they are without the constraints or pressures of face-to-face interaction, making it easier for them to open up and experience true intimacy. Therefore, those who argue that social media does facilitate intimacy in relationships believe that self disclosure brings users to open up about themselves, which in turn helps them become more emotionally intimate with one another.
It may be true that social media helps users feel secure about disclosing themselves to others, which ultimately increases emotional intimacy in the relationship. Nonetheless, the internet can only do so much when it comes to facilitating intimacy because there there are still emotional barriers that cannot be broken down through a computer or phone screen. Kandell argues that social media “...provides a certain psychological distance from the person with whom you are interacting, due to the lack of visual, aural, and emotional feedback, which can allow for a greater taking of risks” (15). One of the main risks is that the relationship quality will not be as strong or secure because users are not able to physically interact with one another.Thus, when those in intimate relationships constantly use social media to facilitate communication, they are losing opportunities to have any true intimacy in their relationship.